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I Know How this Looks

by Cecily J

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about

This is a song about parenting a child with autism.

This was the first song I wrote after a 14 year art/music break from 2001-2015. I didn't think I could write songs or have anything worth writing about anymore during that time. But I guess I did.

lyrics

I Know How This Looks (lyrics)

Do you fear what you don't understand?
Do you need the upper hand?
Did you enjoy watching me fall?
Did it help you stand tall?
I know how this looks, I could write a book
So to tell me where I went wrong
is to tell me nothing at all

I hear it takes a village to carry all those pitchforks
Feeling good about yourself
While you're pointing them at someone else
I know how this looks, I could write a book
So to tell me where I went wrong
is to tell me nothing at all

I can see it in your eyes, you take me for a fool
You're looking at my boy, think he's being raised by a pack of wolves
I know how this looks, I could write a book
So to tell me where I went wrong
is to tell me nothing at all

***

credits

released October 21, 2021
Music has seasons for me, and long stretches of time involving family or work keep me from it, but it is a large part of who I am, and I always come back.

I am proud mom to a wonderful stepdaughter and four sons: three older very close in age and a fourth much younger midlife surprise son.

This song was cathartic for me. It was about me owning up to, and not apologizing for, my 2nd son being autistic about a year after he was diagnosed. He was 5 when I wrote this song. And it truly was the liberation of me acknowledging that I had a full blown child development crisis on my hands, and I was doing the best I can. And my son was still so very, very different. I and my husband circled the wagons, we found out what we were made of, what our friends were made of, lost a few, and found a few, new friends, and entered a whole new world. Of autism. This song is about autism. And Dylan.

I might be an autism mom more than an artist these days, to be honest. If you are fortunate enough to know a "special" someone, autistic or otherwise, consider yourself lucky. You have a tap into raw humanity like no other. I do this autism jig just as much as the raw artist jig. They go well together.




Recording notes: at my happy music place Power Plant Records with Biff at the controls. And really just wanting to sing my heart out on this one. It was quick and easy. Biff played slide lead. Thanks Biff :)

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Cecily J San Clemente, California

Cecily J
A dynamic singer-songwriter in the world of Alternative, Cecily J brings with her music a distinctive Americana flavor, embedded within her riveting instrumentation and use of guitar. Traversing the diverse genres of Lo-fi, Indie, Americana, and Alternative music, she draws inspiration from the likes of Lana Del Rey and Chelsea Wolfe, bringing listeners a dark noir rhythmic composition. ... more

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